In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
