after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He better not be in your backpack
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
