so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
