i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
