I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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