and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize