so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
