Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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