just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
