I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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