EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
