I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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