I'm drive I can fine osifer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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