im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
