Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
