the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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