I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I believe in your delicious
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
