Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize