My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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