R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
