For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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