There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
