Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize