i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
