Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
