What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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