So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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