i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
