I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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