it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
