Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
