I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
