When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
