She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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