toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
