i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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