So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
