sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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