I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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