i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
