dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
