I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
