I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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