Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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