She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
