I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
