She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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