you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
