if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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