Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
