my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
