THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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