Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
