i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
