Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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