Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
