I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
