normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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