ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
