A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
