is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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