I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
