If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
