I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
