Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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