I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
