I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I just put wine in my tea
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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