Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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