some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
