I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
