Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
