My vagina just recognized that song.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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