if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
