We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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