I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
