im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The power of my boobs compel you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
