OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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