first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize