a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
