He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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