How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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