is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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