fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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