I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
