brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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