I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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