My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
