also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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