he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
