so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
