1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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